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A STORMY NIGHT 



A Comedy in One Act 



By KATHARINE KAVANAUGH 

Author of "A Gentle Touch," " The Wayfarers," "A Converted 
Suffragist," "A Bachelor's Baby," etc. 



Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK k FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 






A STORMY NIGHT 



CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Robinson The wife, caught in the rain 

Tom Jenkins The stranger, who lends his umbrella 

Frank Jones An inquisitive neighbor 

Jack Robinson The husband, who misses his train 

Time of Playing — About forty minutes. 



INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Umbrella, tray with tea pot and two cups for Mrs. 
Robinson. Umbrella for Jones. Revolver. Bell off 
stage. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, 
R. means right hand; l. left hand; c. center of stage: 
c. D. door in center of rear flat. d. r. door at right, d. l. 
door at left, up, means toward back of stage; down, 
toward footlights. 



©CI.D 304 3 8 



A STOEMY NIGHT 

Sc-Ei^E.— Drawing-room in the home of the Robinsons. 
Time, evening. Doors r. l., and c. Wiridow l. c. 
Umbrella stand near c. d. Table with drawer l.; re- 
volver in table drawer. Small table r. c. 
ENTER c. D.— Mrs. Robinson carrxjing a wet umbrella, 
which she places in stand near door. 
Mrs. Robinson. Heavens, what a night. I'm wet 
from head to foot. (Takes off her hat, shakes it and puts 
it owaij) I wasn't a block from the house when the rain 
came down in torrents. I don't know how I should have 
gotten home if a gentleman had not lent me his umbrella. 
Gracious, if my husband knew that I had accepted a favor 
from a stranger he'd be furious, but, thank the Lord, he 
is on his way to Boston by this time and will never know 
anything about it. {Goes to wiiidow) I wonder if that 
poor man is still waiting under that awTiing for his um- 
brella. I promised to return it immediately by the maid. 
{Goes to D. R. and calls) Ellen, put on your rubbers and 
waterproof and take this umbrella to the gentleman on 
the corner. Ellen, do you hear? Ellen! Good heavens, 
the girl has gone out. What shall I do, and that poor man 
getting wetter every minute. 

ENTER c. D., Jack Robinson 

Robinson. Good gracious, Fanny, I thought you 
had gone to your mother's. 

Mrs. Robinson. And I thought you had gone to 

Boston. .1,1 

Robinson. My train is late, and rather than hang 
around the station I thought I'd run home and see that 
everything was locked up. But now that you are here 
that is unnecessary. Besides I had no umbrella, and the 



4 A Stormy Night 

rain is coming doA\Ti in sheets. {Sees umbrella in stand) 
Hello, whose umbrella is this? 

Mrs. Robinson. That? Oh, why that's mother's. 

Robinson. Why, it's a man's umbrella. 

Mrs. Robinson. Is it? Oh, then it must be father's. 

Robinson. Well, the old duck won't need it to-night. 
I'll take it to Boston. {Takes umbrella) Good night, 
my dear. Be sure to lock up well. 

[EXIT c. D. with umbrella. 

Mrs. Robinson. Great Jupiter, he's taken the stran- 
ger's umbrella. Now, what on earth am I going to do. 
I can't go out in this downpour and calmly tell the man 
my husband has taken his umbrella to Boston. Besides 
I am wet through. If I don't have a cup of hot tea, I'll 
have a cold. [EXIT d. r. 

ENTER c. D. Mr. Jenkins 

Jenkins. Yes, this is the house. I've been watching 
the door for the last quarter of an hour for the return of 
m.y umbrella. When I do finally see it, it is in the hands 
of a rough, burly customer who pushes me out of his 
way and sends me tumbling into the gutter. When I told 

him he had my umbrella, he called me a well, never 

mind what he called me. It was good and plenty. For- 
tunately, he left the front door unlocked, so I crept in 
to escape the storm, and to demand an explanation. {Has 
worked over to l. of stage) 

ENTER D. R. Mrs. Robinson, carrying a small tray 
with pot of hot tea and two cups. She pauses at sight of 
Jenkins. 

Mrs. Robinson. Good gracious, the owner of the 
umbrella. 

Jenkins. Ah, you recognize me then? 

Mrs. Robinson {placing the tray on small table r. c). 
Why, of course. Why shouldn't I? I was speaking to 
you fifteen minutes ago. 

Jenkins. Ah, but then I looked like a gentleman, 



A Stormy Night 5 

perfectly dry and respectable. Now, I am wet and drag- 
gled, like a homeless dog, all because 

Mrs. Robinson. You had the kindness to lend your 
umbrella to a lady. 

Jenkins. To a lady. Precisely. Then please explain 
how it comes to be walking out your front door in the 
hands of an ugly scoundrel? 

Mrs. Robinson. The umbrella was walking? 

Jenkins. No, madam, the ugly scoundrel was walking. 

Mrs. Robinson. How dare you call my him a 

scoundrel? 

Jenkins. He is seven different shades of a scoundrel, 
and then some. He pushed me into the gutter and called 
m^e a well, never mind what he called me. 

Mrs. Robinson. My dear sir, you are mistaken. 
Your umbrella is in the kitchen, drying. I intended to 
return it to you as soon as my maid came back. In the 
meantime, let me offer j^ou a cup of hot tea. Come, it 
will take the chill out of you, and your clothes will have 
a chance to dr5^ 

Jenkins. They feel as if they'd never dry again. But 
I would enjoy a cup of tea. {Puts his hat on table l. Just 
as they are about to sit at the table, the door bell rings. They 
are both startled) 

Mrs. Robinson. Gracious. May be it's my husband. 

Jenkins (alarmed). Your husband? 

Mrs. Robinson. Yes. What shall we do. He mustn't 
see you here. He's dreadfully jealous. 

Jenkins. How big is he? 

Mrs. Robinson. Oh, three times your size. 

Jenkins. Hide me. Please hide me. 

Mrs. Robinson (crosses and throivs open d. l.). Here, 
quick. Not a word out of you. He'll kill you if he dis- 
covers you. 

Jenkins (goiyig through d. l.) Oh, why did I lend my 
umbrella? (Bell rings again) 

Mrs. Robinson. That's funny. He must have lost 
his key. (Goes to c. d. and opens it) 

ENTER c. D. Jones, carrying an umbrella. 



6 A Stormy Night 

Jones. Good evening, Mrs. Robinson. My wife sent 
me over to ask if you wouldn't join us in a game of euchre. 
She thought your husband was away and that you'd be 
lonely this miserable evening. {Lays his hat on table next 
to Jenkins' hat) 

Mrs. Robinson. That was very kind of Mrs. Jones, 
I'm sure, but I was just thinking of going to bed when the 
bell rang. For a moment I thought it was my husband 
back again. 

Jones (looks at the tray with two cups of tea on it) . Oh, 
I see, you have company. 

Mrs. Robinson. Company? Oh, dear, no, not a soul. 

Jones. Oh, pardon me, I saw the two cups. 

Mrs. Robinson. Oh, I always drink my tea that way. 
Have you never heard that you must never drink the 
second cup of tea out of the same cup? 

Jones. Why, no, I can't say that I have. 

Mrs. Robinson. That shows that you are not a tea 
drinker. Every one knows that. 

Jones. Really. (Absently picks up Jenkins' hat, 
keeps it in his hand, and starts to go) I must tell my wife 
about that. She'll be sorry you are not coming over. 
Good night. [EXIT c. d. with Jenkins' hat in hand. 

Mrs. Robinson (speaking at closed door). Yes, tell 
your wife. She'll be surprised to hear it. (Going back to 
tea table) The old busybody. Of course he had to notice 
the two cups. (Pause) Oh, bless my soul, I forgot about 
the owTier of the umbrella. (CROSSES to d. h. and opens 
door) You can come out. It wasn't my husband. 

ENTER D. L. Jenkins, still frightened. 

Jenkins. It was a man. I heard his voice. 

Mrs. Robinson (goes to table and pours tea). Yes. 
If my husband ever hears of all the companj^ I've had 
this evening, he'll be ready to kill somebody. (Hands him 
cup of tea) 

Jenkins (puts cup down) . I don't think I want any tea. 
I'll just take my umbrella and go home. 

Mrs. Robinson. Nonsense. You must have a cup 



A Stormy Night 1 

of tea. Suppose you caught a cold and it developed 
into tuberculosis, and you should die. How should I 
feel? 

Jenkins. How should you feel? How should / feel! 
Pardon me, but you are not in a cheerful frame of mind 
this evening, Mrs. — er — pardon me, but I don't think I 
know your name. 

Mrs. Robinson. It is better that we should remain 
strangers. If my husband should suddenly return and 
find you here, there might be a divorce case. You would 
be called as a witness. Who knows? Perhaps he would 
name you as the co-respondent. Mr. Jones, my next door 
neighbor, who was just here, saw the two cups of tea. I 
could see that he suspected me. If you knew my name 
or I yours, my husband would force us to incriminate 
each other. Since we don't know, we can't tell. 

Jenkins. Pardon me, but you seem to have thought 
this all out beforehand. 

Mrs. Robinson. Oh, my dear sir, you have never 
had a jealous husband. 

Jenkins. No, that's so. I haven't. 

Mrs. Robinson {sipping her tea). But you might 
some day. 

Jenkins. No, I think I can safely say, I never shall. 

Mrs. Robinson. My husband is fiendishly jealous. 
I believe he would commit murder without the slightest 
hesitation. 

Jenkins (putting down his cup). Excuse me, I think 
I shall go home. {There is the sound of a key in the lock 
of the c. D.) 

Mrs. Robinson. Good heavens. He has returned. 

Jenkins (frightened). Who? 

Mrs. Robinson (rising). My husband. 

Jenkins (going from one side of stage to the other.) Oh 
dear, what shall I do? Where shall I go? (Takes Jones' 
hat from table, and starts to d. l.) 

Mrs. Robinson (at door d. r.) No, no, not there. 
Go into the kitchen, down into the cellar, and out the 
cellar window. 

Jenkins (goiiig to d. r.). Wh — where is the cellar? 



8 A Stormy Night 

Mrs. Robinson. Under the house — where did 3^011 
expect it to be. Go, quickly. 

[EXIT D. R. Jenkins with Jones' hat. 

ENTER c. D. Robinson, vjith umbrella. 

Robinson. I'm back again. 

Mrs. Robinson. So I observe. You are behaving Uke 
a Jack-in-the-box to-night. 

Robinson {puts umhrella in stand, and his hat on table). 
Jack in the box? What do you mean? 

Mrs. Robinson. First you pop out and then you pop 
in again — out and in again. 

Robinson. I suppose I can pop if I Uke. There was 
a wreck on the road that has delayed my train indefmitely. 
Would you have me stand waiting at the church — I mean 
the railroad station all night? 

Mrs. Robinson. Now please curb your temper. 

Robinson. My temper! Huh! It seems to me, 
madam, you are not over pleased to have me at home. 

Mrs. Robinson. If you will only remain in one place 
long enough for me to be sure that you are there, I shall 
be satisfied. Are you going to stay this time? 

Robinson. Yes, madam, I'm going to plant myself 
right in this house. Things are beginning to look a little 
suspicious. 

Mrs. Robinson. There you go, with your stupid 
jealousy. {Door bell rings) 

Robinson. Ah— hah! A caller, on a night like this. 
I'm beginning to smell a rat. {Goes quickly and opens c. d.) 

ENTER c. D. Jones, with Jenkins' hat 

Jones. Oh, good evening, Mr. Robinson. I thought 
you were out of town. Mrs. Robinson, I'm sorry to trouble 
you, but I took someone else's hat when I was here a few 
minutes ago. {Puts it on table and takes Robinson's hat 
in his hand) Must have been yours, Mr. Robinson. 
{Going to c. d.) Well, good night, sorry to have troubled 
you. [EXIT c. D. 

Robinson. Must have been mine, eh? {Picks up 



A Stormy Night 9 

Jenkins' hat) I never wore a clip like tliat in my life. 
By George, that jackass has gone off with my hat this 
time, sme enough. Well, I guess he'll bring it back when 
he finds his mistake. Well, Mrs. Robinson, why don't 
you say something. It strikes me that an explanation is 
due from somebody. Why don't you speak? 

Mrs. Robinson. You don't give anyone a chance 
but yourself. 

Robinson. I'll give you a chance now. Who does 
this hat belong to? 

Mrs. Robinson. The gas man. 

Robinson. W-h-a-t? 

Mrs. Robinson. You heard what I said. 

Robinson. The gas man? The gas man! And you 
expect me to believe that? 

Mrs. Robinson. I don't expect you to believe any- 
thing. 

Robinson. Why not the ice man, the milk man, the 
paper man? When you had so much to choose from, why 
did you select so light an explanation? The gas man! 
Huh! 

Mrs. Robinson. You needn't believe it, if it doesn't 
agree with you. 

Robinson. How did he come to go away without his 
hat? And come to think of it, what was Jones doing over 
here in my absence? 

Mrs. Robinson. He came to borrow a custard pie. 

Robinson. I don't believe you. 

Mrs. Robinson. Very well then. I'll have to tell 
you another one. 

Robinson. You are trjdng to be funny at my expense, 
but it won't work, my lady. You can't hoodwink me. 
There is a man's hat that needs explanation. By George, 
I believe that umbrella needs an explanation. (Takes 
umbrella and examines it) Ah, initials. T. J. Your 
father's name is William. 

Mrs. Robinson. I can't help that. He was christened 
before I was born. 

Robinson. Don't answer me if you can't say something 
sensible. 



10 A Stormy Night 

Jenkins {off stage r. calls in a muffled voice). Help, 
Oh, h-e-l-p! (Mr. and Mrs. Robinson pause and listen) 

Robinson. What was that? Hist! Listen! 

Jenkins {off stage, still muffled). H-e-l-p. 

Robinson. Must be a burglar. 

Mrs. Robinson. A burglar calling for help? 

Robinson. Ah. I see it all. That is the owner of 
the hat and the umbrella. 

J EisiKiNS, {still off stage, hut closer). 0-h-h. (He sneezes) 

Robinson. The rascal has a cold. 

Mrs. Robinson. He probably fell into the coal bin. 
I'll go see. 

Robinson. Stay where you are. I see your scheme. 
You would go to his rescue, and help him escape. Come. 
{Takes her hy the arm and forces her through d. l.) I'll 
meet this villain, single-handed and alone. 

Mrs. Robinson. Handle him gently, for my sake. 

[EXIT D. L. closing door, 

ENTER Jenkins d. r. He is black with coal dust, 
frightened, and generally miserable. He shakes with fear 
as he listens to Robinson. 

Robinson {not seeing Jenkins). Handle him gently! 
I'll kill him, I'll pulverize him. {Opens drawer of table, 
takes out revolver) I'll have his heart's blood. 

Jenkins {shivering with fear). He means me. He 
means me. {Siieaks towards c. d.) 

Robinson {turns and sees Jenkins). Halt! (Jenkins 
halts) Say your prayers. 

Jenkins. Please, sir, I don't know 'em. 

Robinson. Can't you say ''Now I lay me down to 
sleep"? 

Jenkins. Yes, sir. 

Robinson. Well, say it. 

Jenkins {haltingly). N-Now I lay me down to s-sleep, 
— to sleep — to — 

Robinson. Well, don't go to sleep. 

Jenkins. That's all I know. 

Robinson. Have you anything to say before I send 
you into eternity? 



A Stormy Night 11 

Jenkins. Y-yes, sir. 

Robinson. Say it. 

Jenkins. I want my umbrella. 

Robinson. It won't be raining where you're going. 

Jenkins. Well, I'd like to have my hat. 

ENTER c. D. Jones 

Jones. I beg pardon, has anybody seen my hat? (Sees 
the situation, turns, and is about to exit) Oh, excuse me — 
I'm intruding. 

Robinson. Stay where you are, Jones. (Points re- 
volver at him.) 

Jones. Oh, well, if you insist. 

Robinson. You two know each other? 

Jenkins and Jones (in one voice). I never saw him 
before in my life. 

Robinson. You were both here this evening. 

Jones. My wife sent me over to 

Robinson. Borrow a custard pie. 

Jones. No, to invite your wife to our house. 

Robinson. Did you see this fellow? 

Jones. No, I only saw two cups of tea. 

Robinson. Ah-hah. I understand. (To Jenkins) 
What have you to say, sir? 

Jenkins. I want to go home. (Sneezes) I've caught 
a cold. I shall get the tuberculosis and die, just as she 
said I would. 

Robinson. She — what she? 

Jenkins. The lady who borrowed my umbrella. She 
gave me a cup of tea to keep me from getting cold but you 
came before I could drink it. 

Robinson. What's the lady's name? 

Jenkins. I don't know. I never saw her before in my 
life. All I want is my umbrella and my hat. You had 
my umbrella when you pushed me into the gutter and 
called me a well, never mind what you called me. 

Robinson. So you're the shrimp that got in my way. 
I recognize you now. (Goes to d. l. and throws it open) 
Fanny, is this your gas man? 



12 A Stormy Night 

ENTER D. L. Mrs. Robinson 

Mrs. Robinson. No, he looks Uke a soft coal man. 
If you want the truth, he is a perfect stranger who lent 
me his umbrella in the rain. He came to call for it and 
while offering him a cup of tea I told him what an un- 
reasonable, jealous, disagreeable husband I had — 

Robinson. Are you alluding to me? 

Mrs. Robinson. — so when he heard you coming, he 
tried to get out the cellar way. 

Jenkins. And now, give me my hat and umbrella. 

Robinson. For the love of INlike, give him his hat. 

Jones. This must be his. He's got mine. {They 
exchange hats) 

Jenkins {puts Robinson's hat on his head. It is several 
sizes too large). This isn't mine. 

Robinson. That's mine. {Takes it) This must be yours. 
{Gives him his own hat. Jenkins puts it on) Does it fit? 

Jenkins. Yes, it's mine. 

Robinson. Then, for heaven's sake, take it and go. 

Jenkins. I want my umbrella. 

Robinson. What's your name? 

Jenkins. Tom Jenkins. 

Robinson {looks at initials on umbrella). T. J. It's 
yours. 

Jenkins. Good evening. I sincerely hope we shall 
never meet again. 

Robinson. Ditto. 

[EXIT c. D. Jenkins, holding tight his umbrella. 

Jones. Pardon me, I think I'll go. 

Mrs. Robinson. Will you have a cup of tea, Mr. Jones? 

Jones. No, thanks. I never drink it that way. Good 
night. * [EXIT c. d. 

Robinson. Fanny, did you mean all those things you 
called me a few minutes ago? 

Mrs. Robinson {going to him. He puts Jiis arm around 
her). Of course I didn't. I only m.eant half. Let's have 
a cup of tea. {Stroll to tea table, his arm around her, as 
curtain falls) 

CURTAIN 




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